HUMOR: Fwd: Star Wars Songs

Charley Bwithheld (cbwithheld@withheld.net)
Thu, 30 Jan 1997 16:00:34 -0500

>
>Subject: Star Wars Songs
>Sent: 1/30/97 3:41 PM
>Received: 1/30/97 11:23 AM
>From: Beth Krakower, bkrakow@bmgmusic.com
>
>
>
>
>
>
>despite how much i hate star wars (yes there are a few out there who hated
>star wars) i know that some of you have bad taste and actually liked it.
>so here this is.....
>
>
>** "Luke" (to the tune of "Lump" by The Presidents of the USA)
>**
>** New words by Patrick Mines.
>
>Luke sat alone on Tatooine,
>Waiting for something to happen to him.
>Droids showed up on the moisture farm,
>They totally confused all the passing jawas.
>
>He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head.
>He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead.
>
>Luke lingered long on Dagobah,
>And the dream he got was sort of rotten and it seems
>Ben lied to him and Vader's his dad.
>Is Luke over there hanging out with no hand?
>
>He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head,
>He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead.
>
>(whining)
>
>Luke was standing ready and without a care.
>The guard pushed him off and he tumbled through the air.
>He did some fairly heroic-type deeds.
>Luke left for Endor at subsonic speeds.
>
>He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head,
>He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead.
>
>Is this Luke outta my head?
>I think so.
>Is this Luke outta my head?
>I think so. Yeah! Whooo!
>Is this Luke outta my head?
>I think so.
>Is this Luke outta my head?
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>** Imperial Rhapsody by: Queen
>**
>** (sung to: Bohemian Rhapsody)
>
>LANDO: This is the good life
>This is a fantasy
>Working on Bespin
>An escape from Reality.
>LEIA: Open your eyes
>Stand up to these guys and see.
>LUKE: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy
>Cuz who's my dad, I dunno
>Little whine, little moan.
>HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me
>
>PIETT: Vader just killed a man.
>Raised an arm up in the air
>Now his life is no longer there.
>Vader, we had just begun,
>And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum.
>Vader, ooooooo.
>Didn't mean to make you mad
>If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow,
>There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened.
>
>YODA: Too late, my time has come,
>Sends shivers down my spine
>Body's aching all the time.
>LUKE: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
>Gotta leave you all behind and learn the Force.
>PIETT: Vader, ooooooooo.
>I don't want to die
>I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.
>
>LUKE: I see a little silhouetto of a man
>Palpatine, Palpatine, can it be the Emperor?
>Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me!
>R2-D2, R2-D2,
>R2-D2, R2-D2,
>R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH!
>I'm just a farmboy, nobody loves me.
>REBELS: He's just a farmboy, with a dead family.
>Spare him this life of such mendacity!
>HAN: Spice'll come, spice'll go. Jabba let me go.
>JABBA: Bo shuda! (NO, we will not let you go)
>HAN: Let me go!
>JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
>HAN: Let me go!
>JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
>HAN: LET ME GO!
>JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
>HAN: LET ME GO!
>JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
>HAN: LET ME GO!
>JABBA: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
>
>C3PO: Oh R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Come along.
>LEIA: C-3PO has a rebel put aside for meeeee, for meeeeee,
> for MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
>
>(Stormtroopers start headbanging)
>
>LUKE: So you say you're the dear old dad of mine?
>But you cut my hand off and left me to die!
>Oh Vader, can't do this to me, Vader.
>I know there's some good, I know there's still some good in you.
>
>OBIWAN: May the Force be with you.
>Use the Force to see.
>May the Force be with you,
>May the Force be with you, alwaaaaaaaaaaaaays.
>
>HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really mat-ter,
> to meeeeeeee.
>
>
>** Y.O.D.A (To the Village People's "Y.M.C.A")
>**
>** (As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywalker).
>
>YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down. I said
>YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown. I said
>YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, 'cause I
>*MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*
>YOUNG MAN, There's no need to feel fear. I am
>WONDERIN', tell me why are you here? How you
>GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say
>*WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT*
>
>You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
>You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
>He's 900 years old!
>He's so strong in the Force!
>Do your Jedi Diploma course!
>
>You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
>You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
>Come and get yourself clean!
>Come and have a good meal!
>Pretty soon now, the Force you'll feel!
>
>YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into
>SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this
>TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got
>*SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM*
>YOUNG MAN, Welcome to Dagobah. He is
>COMIN', master Yoda not far. I'll be
>HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is
>*MINE* *OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT*
>
>You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
>You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
>He's 900 years old!
>He's so strong in the Force!
>Do your Jedi Diploma course!
>
>You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
>You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
>Don't just stand in the rain!
>You're all covered with mud!
>come and sample my homemade crud!
>
>OLD BEN, Are you listenin' to me? I can't
>TRAIN HIM, he's so reckless you see! Like his
>OLD MAN, he's so angry but brave! Betcha
>*HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE*
>YOUNG MAN, If you start will you end, or be
>GOING, off to save all your friends? To be
>TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you
>*WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU'RE* *A* *JERK*
>
>You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A
>You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A
>You should stay here and train!
>You don't have to save Han!
>If you do so, you'll lose your hand!
>
>You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
>(repeat and fade).
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>** KENOBI
>**
>** (sung by Darth Vader to the tune of "Cecilia," during their duel)
>
>CHORUS
>
>Kenobi,
>You shouldn't have come back,
>You best watch your back
>Or I'll kill ya.
>Oh Kenooooobi,
>Your powers are weak,
>You're feeble and meek,
>And you're old.
>Old, old, old.
>
>Swingin' blades
>In the afternoon,
>With Kenobi,
>He's an old buffoon
>(old buffoon)
>I cut through
>His chest and face,
>When he falls to the ground
>Air has taken his place.
>
>REPEAT CHORUS
>
>FUNKY NOISES SOLO
>
>Ju-bi-la-tion!
>I murdered that coot,
>He's stuck to my boot
>And I'm laughing.
>Ju-bi-la-tion!
>I murdered that coot,
>He's stuck to my boot
>And I'm laughing.
>
>LUKE: Noooooo! No nooooo!
>No noooo no no no nooooo! . . .
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>** HAN (To REM's "Stand")
>**
>** (As sung by His Excellency, Jabba The Hutt)
>
>Han in the place where I live
>(On the wall) Think about adhesion, wonder what holds him up there
>now
>Han in my palace at home
>(It's the best)
>Makes a good example for the people who are working for me.
>
>Now if, you have, to hang up your hat
>just use, the guy, who's frozen and flat
>His hand, is there, to hold things for you
>And Han, is there, 'cause I like the view!
>
>Oh Han with my trophies at work
>(Excellent)
>Think about collection, wonder can I get the Wookiee now
>Han, brought here by my best friend
>(Boba Fett)
>Stops him dumping cargo runs and blowing my employees in half
>
>:-)
>
>Now Han, a statue, is a good sight
>I'm glad, that Vader, used carbonite
>He's not, asleep, he's stuck in a dream.
>I like, his face-perpetual scream!
>
>Oh Han on display in my room
>(Work of art)
>Think of decoration, maybe should I hang him sideways now?
>Han, it was worth all the cash
>(Every cent)
>He even opens bottles and I think he'd make real good doorman
>
>Han on the deck of my barge
>Han frozen stiff as a bar
>Han doesn't wander too far
>Oh Han!
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>** THE MAX REBO BAND
>**
>** (To Billy Joel's "The Pianoman")
>
>It's nine o'clock down at Jabba's place
>the regular crowd waddles in
>there's a weird thing sitting next to me
>it has three eyes and mottled gray skin.
>
>Fett says Max can you play me a memory
>I'm not really sure how it goes
>but it's haunting and sweet and if you miss a beat
>this carbine will blow off your nose.
>
>He said sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
>sing us a song tonight
>'cause we're all in the mood for a melody
>except Solo, who's in carbonite.
>
>La de de da, de de da
>La da de de da, da dum..
>
>Now Jabba the Hutt is a friend of mine
>he gives me my life for free
>And because he's a Hutt, why, we all kiss his butt
>or the rancor will have us for tea.
>
>He said "Bo Shuda, offom da Tukatti!"
>as he stuffed a frog into his face
>but we don't know a woid, 'cause he shot the talkdroid
>So we'll smile and nod, just in case.
>
>Oh, La de de da, de de da
>La da de de da, da dum..
>
>Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
>sing us a song tonight
>'cause we're all in the mood for a melody
>except Solo, who's in carbonite.
>
>Sy Snootles is our favorite vocalist
>her face it ain't launching no ships.
>Don't know why it behoove her to go kiss a Hoover
>but that's how she got those weird lips.
>
>A Gammorean guard is headbutting bricks
>as another one gnaws on a bone
>and I don't know which has less intelligence
>either those two big thugs or the stone.
>
>Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
>sing us a song tonight
>'cause we're all in the mood for a melody
>except Solo, who's in carbonite.
>
>Oh, la da da da de de dah
>la da de de da dah dum..
>
>It's a pretty good crowd, here at Jabba's place
>it's a killing, that's why we're all here
>we'll sail over the dune to the pit of Cwithheldoon
>and we'll toss someone in with a cheer.
>
>'Cause we gotta new droid on the pedestal
>and a man in black's come in the door
>he just pointed a gun over Salacious Crumb
>and then promptly sank through the floor.
>
>Oh, La de de da, de de da
>La da de de da, da dum..
>
>Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
>sing us a song tonight
>for the Jedi Skywalker is down below
>and the rancor is gripping him tight
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>>** Blast, Loot, Pillage, Burn
>**
>** (Tune- Mickey Mouse Club Theme)
>
>Blast, loot, pillage, burn, blast, loot, pillage, burn.
>Who's the leader of the Horde that's made for what we are?
>Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R!
>Hey there, hi there, ho there! We'll conquer every star!
>Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R!
>
>Darth Vader! (Obi Wan) Darth vader! (Skywalker!)
>For ever let us hold our blasters high! High! High! HIGH!
>
>Come along and sing our song and march with us to war,
>Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R!
>
>(slowly)
>Now its time to say goodbye - they're closing up the bar -
>Lord D-A- [aaayy]*
>R-T-H- ["H" is what he'll give ya!]
>V-A-D-E- (pause) R-R-R-R.
>
>*a la the Fonze, including thumbs up gesture.
>A- [aaayy]*
>R-T-H- ["H" is what he'll give ya!]
>V-A-D-E- (pause)
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>** "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Diplomatic Droid"
>**
>** (to the tune of "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General",
>** from Gilbert and Sullivan's "Pirates of Penzance")
>** From: redfive@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (from _HMS DEATHSTAR_)
>
>THREEPIO:
>I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid
>I'm fluent in the languages of Robot, Wookiee, humanoid,
>A binary loadlifter does not pose the slightest mystery,
>I know the rules of protocol and also human history.
>I'm very well acquainted too, with matters mathematical,
>I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
>About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news --
>With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
>
>CHORUS
>With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse (X3)
>
>THREEPIO
>I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
>I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
>In short, my masters find in me a reason to be overjoyed,
>I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid.
>
>CHORUS
>In short his masters find in he, etc.
>
>THREEPIO
>I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid;
>Adventure is the sort of thing I'd hoped that I could quite avoid,
>For droids who find adventure often find that they get melted down ,
>
>Or shipped out to the Kessel mines and tiresome labor underground.
>My counterpart excels at making trouble for the rest of us,
>He lured me to the desert where the jawas soon molested us,
>They sold us to some farmers, and before the passing of a day,
>I had to tell my master that the little twerp had run away
>
>CHORUS
>He had to tell etc. (X3)
>
>THREEPIO
>Now that were on the Death Star, and stormtroopers swarm the premises,
>
>I'm hiding in the closet with that little Artoo nemesis;
>And so I want to make it clear 'ere Artoo gets us both destroyed.
>I was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid.
>
>CHORUS
>And so he wants to make it clear 'ere Artoo gets them both destroyed,
>
>He was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>**********************************************************************
> "it's 20 miles to texas and 25 to hell"
>
> steve prue - concrete mwithheldeting
> steevp@interport.net
> MusicZone - http://www.themusiczone.com
>**********************************************************************
>