>>Grand Prize Winner<<
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when
toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing
down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two
will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered
cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with
Chicago.
>>Runners-up<<
If an infinite number of people riding in an infinite number of
pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an
infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce
all the worlds great literary works in Braille.
Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure
on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums
unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to
even it out.
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they
have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate
ideas at a faster rate.
The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.
Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are
brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our
planet to spin dangerously fast.
>>Honorable Mentions<<
Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the world, they
are landing at sunset. This causes the earth to spin on its axis.
The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is that it's
easier to go faster when you're always going downhill.
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.
If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian
pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a
Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
** Nothing shows poor craftsmanship like wrinkled duct tape **
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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Economics degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Would you like fries with
that?"
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Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make the connection.
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A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street
cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other
side of the street. First they see two people going into the house.
Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the
house.
The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate".
The Biologists conclusion: "They have reproduced".
The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then
it will be empty again."
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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all
the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''"
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Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first
engineer calls out to the other, "Hey -- Nice bike! Where
did you get it?" "Well," replies the other, "I was walking to
class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on
this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and
says 'You can have ANYTHING you want!!'"
"Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you
anyway."
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An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture
with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest possible
amount of fence.
The engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and
then puts the fence around them, declaring, "A circle will use
the least fence for a given area, so this is the best solution."
The physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of infinite
radius around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around the
herd, declaring, "This will give the smallest circular fence around the
herd."
The mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little
thought, he puts a small fence around himself and then declares, "I
define myself to be on the outside!"
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In some foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer
are about to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and
nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by divine
intervention so he's let go.
The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the
blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is
set free too.
They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks
up at the release mechanism and says,
"Wait a minute, I see your problem...."