HUMOR: What Children Teach Us (fwd)
abc@withheld.net
Mon, 24 Mar 1997 23:16:06 -0500 (EST)
> "Things people have learned from their children"
> (honest and no kidding)
>
> There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
>
> If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
> blades, they can ignite.
>
> A 4 years old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
>
> If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong
> enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing underwear and a superman cape
>
> It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20
> by 20 foot room.
>
> Baseballs make mwithhelds on ceilings.
>
> You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
>
> When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few
> times before you get a hit.
>
> A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
>
> The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
> ceiling fan.
>
> When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too
> late.
>
> Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
>
> A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock, even though a 36 year
> old man says they can only do it in the movies.
>
> A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
>
> If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does
> not leak - it explodes.
>
> A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4
> inches deep.
>
> Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
>
> Duplos will not.
>
> 'Play Dough' and 'microwave' should never be used in the same sentence.
>
> Super glue is forever.
>
> McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
>
> Ditto Tarzan.
>
> No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk
> on water.
>
> Pool filters do not like Jello.
>
> VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they
> do.
>
> Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
>
> Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
>
> You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
>
> Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like
> ovens.
>
> The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.
>
> The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
>
> It will, however, make cats dizzy.
>
> Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
>
> Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.
>
> A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life
> (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
>
>