You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from rolling over.
your job is interferring with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
When you can focus better with one eye closed.
The pwithhelding lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Every woman you see has an exact twin.
You fall asleap in the fireplace.
At an AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell
sleep clothed. - hmm.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol,
and Women [or Men].
Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more
attractive.
Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
I'm not drunk... you're just sober... - HI, OCIFER!!!!!!
Roseanne looks good.
Don't recognize your wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
That damned pink elephant followed you home again.
Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
you have a Reserved Pwithhelding space at the liquor store.
I'm as jober as a sudge.
You've fallen and you can't get up.
BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
you walk up to a police officer and ask if you can by him a beer for
doing such a good job
you put your socks on over your shoes
while talking, people keep pushing a finger into your chest and you
think it's funny
you suddenly forget the topic of conversation while you are speaking
you think it's funny to drive your new vehicle down roads that you
ordinarily wouldn't walk down
you fart and feel a lump in your back pocket
you realize that you are very comfortable lying down in a rain storm
you go to the restroom and end up in the closet
you yell to people that are right next to you!!!
you get stopped by a cop and ask if he has an opener because you
thought you had twist-offs
you don't care if it's all hanging out
you sound like you are speaking a different language and get irritated
when others can't understand you
you pee in your pants and you just don’t care
you arrive home at 3:00 am and decide to bake a cake
you are lying in bed and it feels like you are on a merry-go-round
you realize that maybe you should have purchased the VELCRO shoes
you wake up in a puddle
people all around you are laughing and you just can't figure out why.
you have birch bwithheld and twigs all over you and you don't care
While taking a leak, you fall over backwards
____________________
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Charley Bwithheld, Project Engineer withheld * Internet Access Providers
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