[Fwd: Humor] (long)
Jim (jbusch@enterprise.withheld.net)
Fri, 21 Mar 1997 09:47:03 -0500
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>>
>> Subject: If architects had to work like programmers ...
>>
>> Dear Mr. Architect:
>>
>> Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I
>> need, so you should use your discretion.
>>
>> My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make
>> sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or
>> deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final
>> decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each
>> configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.
>>
>> Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than
>> the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you
>> correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the
>> floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls
>> don't have nearly enough insulation in them).
>>
>> As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly
>> maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the
>> incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or
>> composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared
>> to explain your decision in detail.) Please take care that modern
>> design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of
>> the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date
>> ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be
>> designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson
>> refrigerator.
>>
>> To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire
>> family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also
>> our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about
>> how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a
>> year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and
>> come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule
>> any choices that you make.
>>
>> Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to
>> develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this
>> time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of
>> the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue. Also, do
>> not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the
>> house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and
>> specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect
>> the house to be under roof within 48 hours.
>>
>> While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind
>> that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It
>> therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers.
>> Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a
>> consensus of the population in my area that they like the features
>> this house has.
>>
>> I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed
>> last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we
>> would also like in our new home, particularily the 75-foot swimming
>> pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this
>> into our new house without impacting the final cost.
>>
>> Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at
>> this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for
>> construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held
>> accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of
>> later design changes.
>>
>> You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as
>> this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be
>> given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen
>> very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas
>> and plans.
>>
>> PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the
>> instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your
>> responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past
>> and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this
>> responsibility, I will have to find another architect.
>>
>> PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer.
>> Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.
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