HUMOR: Secret 3rd Prez Debate! (fwd)
withheld C. L'withheld (dcl@clearlight.com)
Mon, 28 Oct 1996 07:28:19 -0500 (EST)
| Secret Debate Transcripts
| By Nora Cody
|
| Transcript of the 3rd debate between President Clinton and Senator Dole
| (held in secret and never before released to the public)
|
| Question: "What can you do about the rain? I live in Seattle and it
| rained
| way too much last year."
|
| Clinton: "What's your name, dear?"
|
| Questioner: "Jeannette"
|
| Clinton: "Well, Jeannette, I'm glad you asked that question. Last
| year,
| rainfall on average was down 3%. In Seattle, it rained 6.5% less than the
| previous year. If you'll give me four more years, we can bring it down
| some
| more.
|
| "Under George Bush, both rain and snow increased nationwide. Newt
| Gingrich
| and Bob Dole proposed extensive cuts in my weather management program --
| cuts that would have left families like yours paddling through floodwaters
| and slogging through snow. We have a plan to not only reduce rain, but to
| attack the persistent problems of sleet and hail as well. If you'll give
| me
| a chance, we can join hands and stroll across a sunny bridge to the 21st
| century. Thank you."
|
| Dole: "There he goes again, Jeannette. Taking credit for the
| weather!
| That's just like that other thing -- last year, during the Congressional
| session -- wanted to grab credit for that plan we were pushing . . . Well,
| anyway, let me tell you what I'll do about the rain.
|
| We've got a tax plan that will result in real changes in your life. Tax
| credits to those companies that seed the clouds will bring about a real
| boost in rainfall where we really need it, like in Russell Kansas. I'm
| from
| Russell, Kansas. When I was a boy, there was no rain. We ate dust for
| breakfast. Didn't mind, still don't. There was a time I couldn't even
| get
| myself dressed in the morning. I got over that, and you can too."
|
| Next question: "I want the new Nintendo for Christmas, and my Dad told me
| that the store is already sold out. But I want
| it! I want Nintendo!!"
|
| Dole: "Young man, how old are you?"
|
| Questioner: "Six."
|
| Dole: "Well, youngsters such as this fellow often make good
| points. Points
| about our great American capitalist system. Unfortunately, under
| President
| Clinton and his democratic cronies our competitiveness in the electronics
| and toy industries has greatly declined. Do you think those Japanese kids
| have trouble getting Nintendo at Christmas time? No sir.
|
| "Let me tell you a story. When I was a boy, we didn't even have
| television.
| Instead, I worked hard in the fields. In Russell, Kansas, where I was
| raised. We would have been happy with an orange for Christmas. Today's
| children need to appreciate what they have."
|
| Clinton: "What's your name, son?"
|
| Questioner: "Zachary."
|
| Clinton: "Zachary, I feel your pain and frustation. Why (chuckles)
| I still
| remember my joy at finding that Radio Flyer wagon under the Christmas tree
| when I was six years old. You should get your Nintendo. In fact, every
| young person in America who wants Nintendo should have it, along with
| access
| to the Internet. If we don't get these kids logged on to the information
| highway of the 21st century, we're doing them a grave disservice. If
| you'll
| give me four more years, Zachary, I'll make sure that every child has all
| the technology they want."
|
| At this point the debate was forced to an early conclusion as Clinton and
| Dole simultaneously rushed to hug/shake hands with (respectively) Zachary,
| knocking one another to the ground in the process.
--
withheld C. L'withheld
dcl@clearlight.com
http://www.clearlight.com/~dcl