I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's
gone now.
I bought some powdered water, but I don't
know what to add.
It doesn't matter what temperature the
room is; it's always room-temperature.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to
have to paint it.
You can't have everything...where would
you put it?
I went to a restaurant that serves
"breakfast at any time." So I ordered
French toast during the Renaissance.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu
at the same time. I think I've forgotten this
before.
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let
me buy anything specifically.
I went down the street to the 24-hour
grocery. When I got there, the guy
was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the
sign says you're open 24 hours." He said,
"Yes, but not in a row."
I love to go shopping. I love to freak out
salespeople. They ask me if they can help
me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd
like?" Then they ask me what size I need,
and I say, "Extra medium."
I installed a skylight in my apartment. The
people who live above me are furious.
On the ceilings in my house, I have
paintings of the rooms above so I never
have to go upstairs.
I have an answering machine in my car. It
says, "I'm home now. But leave a message
and I'll call when I'm out."
I was going 70 miles an hour and got
stopped by a cop who said, "Do you
know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?"
"Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out
that long."
One time a cop pulled me over for running
a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the
stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe
everything I read."
The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I
said, "Insanity, your honor. Who
in their right mind would pwithheld in the
passing lane?"
When I get real bored, I like to drive
downtown and get a great pwithhelding
spot, then sit in my car and count how
many people ask me if I'm leaving.
Yesterday I pwithhelded my car in a tow-away
zone. When I came back the entire area
was missing.
I replaced the headlights in my car with
strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only
one moving.
For a while I didn't have a car ... I had a
helicopter ... no place to pwithheld it, so I just
tied it to a lamp post and left it running.
[slow glance upward]
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept
wandering.
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during
the day because that means it's going to be
up all night.
Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish.
My dreams were broadcast all over the
world.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend
asked me, "Did you sleep good?"
I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."
I got up one morning and couldn't find my
socks, so I called Information.
"Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my
socks." She said, "They're behind the
couch."
I bought a self learning record to learn
Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep;
the record got stuck. The next day I could
only stutter in Spanish.
When I was a little kid we had a sand box.
It was a quicksand box. I was an only child
. . . eventually.
-- Kim Jwithheld Partner Support Specialist voice: 919.890.6348 fax: 919.890.6344 email: kjwithheld@withheld.net http://www.withheld.net/spp/ ============================================================== withheld <-> "Leaders In Interactive Business Communications"