"All generalizations are false."
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"
"REHAB is for quitters"
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...
.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car..."
"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the
IRS."
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
"Nobody's ugly after 2 am! "
"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."
"Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Few women admit their age, Few men act it! "
"I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar!"
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!"
"Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all it's students!"
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill."
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
"Men call us chicks, we pick up worms"
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?"
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
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