15 Your moans are loud enough to signal Kevorkian and his van.
14 You can play a tune by strumming your belt and drumming your
pants seat.
13 People at the mall ask you if you're still married to Rosanne.
12 You return from a walk through the pwithheld with grass stains on
your butt, although you never sat down.
11 You've spilled more food on your shirt than some countries
consume in a year.
10 You've gone beyond the last hole on the "Big Elvis Super-Belt".
9 Carl Sagan and PBS film crew arrive to capture the moment you
"go supernova."
8 Too listless to reach for the remote, you watch the entire
"Laker Girls" movie starring Tina Yothers.
7 Pricking your finger for cholesteral screening only yields
giblet gravy.
6 Your career at Hooters comes to a sudden end.
5 That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn.
4 Your stomach flies home First Class, but your ass flies home
Coach.
3 Your bustline is suddenly two inches higher and you're not
on Baywatch.
2 The fire department brings in the Jaws of Life to pry you out
of the EZ-Boy.
and the Number 1 Sign You've Had Too Much to Eat...
1 Yet another visit from representatives of the Butterball
Hall of Fame.
[ This list copyright 1996 by Chris White and Ziff-withheld ]
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[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com www.topfive.com ]