withheld
| During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National
| Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point
| pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
|
| After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was
| developed at a cost of $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also
| enjoyed
| some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
|
| The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
|
| ---------------------------------------------------------
|
| Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
| -- Oscar Wilde
|
| ----------------------------------------------------------
|
| The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
| graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
| graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
| The
| graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
| that?"
|
| -----------------------------------------------------------
|
| I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
| because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown
|
| -----------------------------------------------------------
|
| A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
| rearranging their prejudices. -- William James
|
|
| ---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
| The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words,
| there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but
| government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
| -- From an article on the growth of federal regulations in the Oct.
| 24th issue of National Review
|
| --------------------------------------------------------
|
| Half of the people in the world are below average.
|
| ----------------------------------------------------------
|
| There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy
| in the streets?
| -- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate
|
| -----------------------------------------------------------
|
| If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
| infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without
| even considering if there are men on base. -- Dave Barry
|
| -----------------------------------------------------
|
| Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
|
| ---------------------------------------------------
|
| On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"
|
| ------------------------------------------------------
|
| Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look
| like he hasn't eaten in a while.
| -- Charles Bwithheldley, after blatantly elbowing an Angolan basketball
| opponent in the Olympics
|
| ------------------------------------------------------
|
| Suppose you were an idiot..... And suppose you were a member of
| Congress................But I repeat myself. -- Mwithheld Twain
|
| -----------------------------------------------------
|
| Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they
| don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the
| world.
| Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?
|
| -----------------------------------------------------
|
| Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea):
| For best results: Wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron
| with warm iron. For not so good results: Drag behind car through
| puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
|
| ---------------------------------------------------
|
| The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to
| be when you kill them. -- William Clayton
|
| --------------------------------------------------
|
| "Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog
|
| ---------------------------------------------------
|
| If you think you're having a bad day...
|
| An Israeli woman's fight with a stubborn cockroach put her husband
| in the hospital with burns, a broken pelvis and broken ribs, the
| Jerusalem Post newspaper reported yesterday. The woman, frightened by
| the insect when she found it in their living room, stepped on it,
| threw it in a toilet and sprayed a full can of insecticide on it
| when it refused to die.
|
| Her husband came home from work, went to the toilet and lit a
| cigarette. When he threw the cigarette butt into the bowl, the
| insecticide fumes ignited, "seriously burning his sensitive parts,"
| the Post wrote.
|
| When paramedics were called to the home in Tel Aviv,they laughed so
| hard when they learned what had happened that they dropped the
| stretcher down the stairs, breaking the unidentified man's pelvis
| and ribs.
-- withheld C. L'withheld dcl@clearlight.com http://www.clearlight.com/~dcl