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Date: Fri, 27 Sep 1996 13:32:27 -0400 (EDT)
From: "J. Ferrell - WebPress" <ferrell@enterprise.withheld.net>
To: Mwithheld A withheld - WebPress <withheld@enterprise.withheld.net>,
Scottknocker <noecker@enterprise.withheld.net>,
Diane withheld <dianep@enterprise.withheld.net>
Subject: HUMOR: light bulb/lawyer... how many (long) (fwd)
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>From owner-humor@lists.gateway.com Fri Sep 27 13:09:28 1996
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Date: Fri, 27 Sep 1996 13:02:41 -0400
To: humor@gateway.com
From: steve prue <steevp@interport.net> (by way of Charley Bwithheld)
Subject: HUMOR: light bulb/lawyer... how many (long)
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X-Reminder: It can always get worse.
here is a lil' lawyer joke for y'all.......
HOW MANY LAWYERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB????
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do
hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of
the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the
current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise
illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through
the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the
primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any
spillover illumination being at the option of the party of
the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned
agreement between the parties. The aforementioned
removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the
following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any
other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction,this point being
non-negotiable.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part
("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the
option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and
federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the
first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning
installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This
installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the
reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same
document, being careful to note that the rotation should
occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the
party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all
persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most
possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also
known as "Partnership."
wait - i got an answer from someone on the humorlist i'm on.
...read on macbeth...
>>this is what I received from my boss, a lawyer, re the lawyer joke.
Dear Beth:
I am compelled to inform you that the proposed agreement between and
among the various parties described therein is not structured properly
and may also be deemed invalid depending on the jurisdiction.
While I don't intend to offer an extensive and comprehensive lecture on
contract law, it is an inviolate and accepted principle that a contract
to be binding must contain, absolutely and unequivically, three essential
ingredients: offer, acceptance and consideration. For example, a bagel
and lox without creamcheese would violate certain principles of law, ethics
and/or propriety in some communities.
The subject agreement appears to have the requisite offer and acceptance.
However the most important ingredient (particularly from a lawyer's
perspective), consideration, is absent. While it is accepted in certain
jurisdictions that an agreement, if it is in writing, does not require the
declaratiion of consideratiion, as consideration is presumed in such an
instance, any lawyer worth his salt (particlarly if it contemplates his
services, no matter how menial) would specify the compensation to be paid
for his services.
Factors to be taken into consideration in determining the compensation,
among others, are research, travel to and from the venue, dsibursements
(does the lawyer have to purchase a ladder or stepstool, etc) extraordinary
liability or malpractice insurance, unusual garments necessary to perform
the task (e.g. work gloves, overalls, safetyboots, goggles, etc.), tools
(e.g. a flashlight if the task is being performed in the dwithheld) and, if the
job is covered by collective bargaining organization rules and regulations,
the time involved in joining the union and the union dues.
My further concern in reviewing the subject agreement is that none of the
parties, except the attorney, have the legal capacity to enter into a contract
or the wherewithal to compensate, unless you presume that providing light is
the consideration that the attorney is bargainnig for, in which case, perhaps
the wiring leading to the receptacle, the wall switch, the circuit breaker (or
fuse, depending on the age of the venue) and the local lighting company
should also be parties to the agreement. Having to deal with all these
potential parties and their legal representatives will, in all probability,
kill the deal.
I recommend that the attorney retain a party of the sixth part to perform
the services.
My invoice is on its way!
**********************************************************************
"the boy that you loved is the man that you fear"
steve prue - concrete mwithheldeting
steevp@interport.net
MusicZone - http://www.themusiczone.com
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