HUMOR: Aircraft warranty card (fwd)
withheld C. L'withheld (dcl@clearlight.com)
Thu, 24 Oct 1996 17:46:56 -0400 (EDT)
| AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
|
| Important! Important!
| Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase
| Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
| order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
| fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
| questions is not required, but the information will help us to
| develop
| new product that best meet your needs and desires.
|
| 1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified
| _Other
|
| First Name____________________Initial____Last
| Name______________________
|
| Latitude________________________Longitude_____________________________
| _ Altitude________________________Password,Code
| Name,Etc.__________________
|
| 2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
|
| _F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-19A Stealth _Classified
|
| 3. Date of purchase:Month___________Day___________Year____________
|
| 4. Serial Number____________________
|
| 5. Please check where this product was purchased:
|
| _Received as Gift/Aid Package
| _Catalog Showroom
| _Sleazy Arms Broker
| _Mail Order
| _Discount Store
| _Government Surplus
| _Classified
|
| 6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
| you have just purchased:
|
| _Heard loud noise, looked up
| _Store Display
| _Espionage
| _Recommended by friend/relative/ally _Political lobbying by
| Manufacturer
| _Was attacked by one
|
| 7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your
| decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
|
| _Style/Appearance
| _Kickback/Bribe
| _Recommended by salesperson
| _Speed/Maneuverability
| _Comfort/Convenience
| _McDonnell Douglas Reputation
| _Advanced Weapons Systems
| _Price/Value
| _Back-Room Politics
| _Negative experience opposing one in combat
|
| 8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
|
| _North America
| _Central/South America
| _Aircraft Carrier
| _Europe
| _Middle East_Africa
| _Asia/Far East
| _Misc. Third-World Countries
| _Classified
|
| 9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to
| purchase in the near future:
|
| Product Own Intend to purchase Color TV
| VCR
| ICBM
| Killer Satellite
| CD Player
| Air-to-Air Missiles
| Space Shuttle
| Home Computer
| Nuclear Weapon
|
| 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all
| that apply:
|
| _Communist/Socialist
| _Terrorist
| _Crazed (Islamic)
| _Crazed (Other)
| _Neutral
| _Democratic_Dictatorship
| _Corrupt (Latin American)
| _Corrupt (Other)
| _Primitive/Tribal
|
| 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
|
| _Cash
| _Suitcases of Cocaine
| _Oil Revenues
| _Deficit Spending
| _Personal Check
| _Credit Card
| _Ransom Money
| _Traveler's Check
|
| 12. Occupation You Your Spouse Homemaker
| Sales/Mwithheldeting
| Revolutionary
| Clerical
| Mercenary
| Tyrant
| Middle Management
| Eccentric Billionaire
| Defense Minister/General
| Retired
| Student
|
| 13. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate
| the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
| participating on a regular basis:
|
| Activity/Interest You Your Spouse Golf
| Boating/Sailing
| Sabotage
| Running/Jogging
| Propaganda/Disinformation
| Destabilizing/Overthrow
| Default on Loans
| Gardening
| Crafts
| Black Mwithheldet/Smuggling
| Collectibles/Collections
| Watching Sports on TV
| Wines
| Interrogation/Torture
| Household Pets
| Crushing Rebellions
| Espionage/Reconnaissance
| Fashion Clothing
| Border Disputes
| Mutually Assured Destruction
|
| Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
| answers will be used in mwithheldet studies that will help McDonnell
| Douglas serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to
| receive mailings and special offers from other companies,
| governments,
| extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
|
| Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
| McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
| Mwithheldeting Department
| Military Aerospace Division [address deleted]
--
withheld C. L'withheld
dcl@clearlight.com
http://www.clearlight.com/~dcl