From: Date: Thu, 29 Aug 1996 12:40:56 -0400 >Date: Tue, 20 Aug 1996 21:32:38 -0700 >From: man >Subject: 50 ways >To: >Organization: theWAANweb >MIME-version: 1.0 >X-Mailer: Mozilla 3.0b6Gold (Win95; I) >X-UIDL: 840663379.002 > >alittle something i found for you all to try > >50 ways to fuck with people in a pc lab > >1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and >scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt. >2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and >look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. >3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty >that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, >wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half >hour. >4.Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you >evilly. >5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different >screen than the one it's set up with. >6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at >the highest volume possible over & over again. >7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by >something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk. >8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret >Pentagon files. >9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know. >10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on. >11.Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, >say "Just in case..." mysteriously. >12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at >everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing. >13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if >they're crazy while typing. >14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting. >15.Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone >agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot." >16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, >pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it >finishes. >17. "DISK FIGHT!!!" >18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It >helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new >friends). >19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type >by hitting the keys with the straw. >20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion >Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required. >21. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to >your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain >loudly that women (men) are worthless. >22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when >it doesn't work, get the supervisor. >23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where >the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those. >24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done >(two days later) say that all you wanted was one line. >25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing >this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you. >26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person >next to you. Grinds some more. Repeat procedure, making sure you never >provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, >and it is far more effective to let them linger. >27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, >cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave. >28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on >your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you. >29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and >place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape >them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty >of cotton on plastic. >30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper >like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad >working conditions. >31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and >continue working. >32. Bring som dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking. >33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, >the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note >loudly. Write an entire pape this way. >34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse. >35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, >mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it. >36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun. >37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes >the old ways are best. >38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab. >39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until >you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so >your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit >his/her delete key severaltimes, erasing an entire word. While you do >this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume >hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've >deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly >exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole >time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and >leave. >40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor >and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put >some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer >is drooling.) >41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, >burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing,grab >your stuff and leave, howling as you go. >42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making >elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, >then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, >walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and >calmly start to type again. >43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them. >44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to >them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they get a >chance to figure out you're a total stranger. >45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound >effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost. >46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the >lead doesn't work. >47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of >flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh >happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat >this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the >keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and >walk out. >48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then >calmly sit down and begin to type. >49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker >chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and >say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for >the next week". >50. Two words: Tesla Coil. > >
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