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HUMOR: Aircraft warranty card (fwd)

From: "Daniel C. L'Hommedieu" <dcl@clearlight.com>
Date: Thu, 24 Oct 1996 17:46:56 -0400 (EDT)

|      AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
| 
|      Important! Important!
|      Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase
|      Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.  In
|      order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
|      fill out the warranty registration card below.  Answering the survey
|      questions is not required, but the information will help us to 
| develop
|      new product that best meet your needs and desires.
| 
|      1. _Mr.  _Mrs.  _Ms.  _Miss  _Lt.  _Gen.  _Comrade  _Classified 
| _Other
| 
|      First Name____________________Initial____Last
|      Name______________________
|      
| Latitude________________________Longitude_____________________________
|      _ Altitude________________________Password,Code
|      Name,Etc.__________________
| 
|      2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
| 
|      _F-14 Tomcat   _F-15 Eagle  _F-16 Falcon  _F-19A Stealth  _Classified
| 
|      3. Date of purchase:Month___________Day___________Year____________
| 
|      4. Serial Number____________________
| 
|      5. Please check where this product was purchased:
| 
|      _Received as Gift/Aid Package
|      _Catalog Showroom
|      _Sleazy Arms Broker
|      _Mail Order
|      _Discount Store
|      _Government Surplus
|      _Classified
| 
|      6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
|      you have just purchased:
| 
|      _Heard loud noise, looked up
|      _Store Display
|      _Espionage
|      _Recommended by friend/relative/ally _Political lobbying by
|      Manufacturer
|      _Was attacked by one
| 
|      7.  Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your
|      decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
| 
|      _Style/Appearance
|      _Kickback/Bribe
|      _Recommended by salesperson
|      _Speed/Maneuverability
|      _Comfort/Convenience
|      _McDonnell Douglas Reputation
|      _Advanced Weapons Systems
|      _Price/Value
|      _Back-Room Politics
|      _Negative experience opposing one in combat
| 
|      8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
| 
|      _North America
|      _Central/South America
|      _Aircraft Carrier
|      _Europe
|      _Middle East_Africa
|      _Asia/Far East
|      _Misc. Third-World Countries
|      _Classified
| 
|      9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to
|      purchase in the near future:
| 
|      Product                 Own     Intend to purchase Color TV
|      VCR
|      ICBM
|      Killer Satellite
|      CD Player
|      Air-to-Air Missiles
|      Space Shuttle
|      Home Computer
|      Nuclear Weapon
| 
|      10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?  Check all
|      that apply:
| 
|      _Communist/Socialist
|      _Terrorist
|      _Crazed (Islamic)
|      _Crazed (Other)
|      _Neutral
|      _Democratic_Dictatorship
|      _Corrupt (Latin American)
|      _Corrupt (Other)
|      _Primitive/Tribal
| 
|      11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
| 
|      _Cash
|      _Suitcases of Cocaine
|      _Oil Revenues
|      _Deficit Spending
|      _Personal Check
|      _Credit Card
|      _Ransom Money
|      _Traveler's Check
| 
|      12. Occupation                 You      Your Spouse Homemaker
|      Sales/Marketing
|      Revolutionary
|      Clerical
|      Mercenary
|      Tyrant
|      Middle Management
|      Eccentric Billionaire
|      Defense Minister/General
|      Retired
|      Student
| 
|      13. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate
|      the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
|      participating on a regular basis:
| 
|      Activity/Interest               You     Your Spouse Golf
|      Boating/Sailing
|      Sabotage
|      Running/Jogging
|      Propaganda/Disinformation
|      Destabilizing/Overthrow
|      Default on Loans
|      Gardening
|      Crafts
|      Black Market/Smuggling
|      Collectibles/Collections
|      Watching Sports on TV
|      Wines
|      Interrogation/Torture
|      Household Pets
|      Crushing Rebellions
|      Espionage/Reconnaissance
|      Fashion Clothing
|      Border Disputes
|      Mutually Assured Destruction
| 
|      Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire.  Your
|      answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
|      Douglas serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to
|      receive mailings and special offers from other companies, 
| governments,
|      extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
| 
|      Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?  Please write to:
|      McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
|      Marketing Department
|      Military Aerospace Division [address deleted]

-- 
Daniel C. L'Hommedieu
dcl@clearlight.com
http://www.clearlight.com/~dcl

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